Personal Freedom and Intimate Relationships

On the Awareness Meeting we shared together our concerns and found new and authentic ways to embody a duality – experiencing personal freedom and intimate relationships in an authentic way and having a peace with these 2 sides of our individuality.

We will meet Naíde. She's a writer, a PR, a journalist, and a university teacher. But this is just her CV. For me, she's an amazing woman, full of authenticity, full of an open heart. We worked together for a long time, and she always exposed herself with so much bravery. 

She will bring us a question that is important for many people:

"How can I have an authentic relationship with someone without losing my freedom?" 

It's time to introduce Naíde Muller!

Naíde: I'm 39; I am investing a lot in my career because I need to feel connected with what I do, and I need to think that I bring something to the world. I'm working on a Ph.D. in human rights, and lots of inspiration came from this work that we did together. But now that I'm 39, not a mother yet, and maybe because of all the restrictions and loneliness, I think about having a family. Having a partner, a man, and that I could build something, like a relationship, but a functional one. 

I am a citizen of the world, I have a free spirit, but when I am honest and authentic with people, usually they run away from me, like "you're crazy, you have strange freak ideas about relationships."  

What I think is that if we have this need to be free, we should be honest about that and bring those issues to the relationship. But usually, what I find when I put these preoccupations on the table is the kind of "I will run away from you because you are a strange woman." I don't know how to articulate these two parts of me: the need to be honest, to speak about things that we feel, but at the same time, I feel a bit alone in this mindset, but I don't want to pretend I'm another kind of person to have this relationship. This is my dilemma right now. 

Satya: This is a topic that is very important to our generation. We are daughters and sons of parents that had to fight for freedom and rights, but at the same time, they were totally inside of that way of living. 

If we look at history, we have significant development. I'm not speaking about countries that are still in a different layer of development, where there are no rights and freedoms. But, at this moment, 

who are you? 

Because now, at the conceptual part of life, we can do whatever we want. But if we see most of us, we can't! and why can't we? 

Why are we afraid to be authentic? 

Why are we afraid to speak openly with our most intimate ones? 

Naíde, you are a person that is already highly aware of her conditioning. So, you are already aware of all these parts that come and start to destroy the new way of relating for yourself, that is, "I want to remain authentic. But I want to have a family. How can I have a true partner and be authentic?" What is the part of your conditioning that doesn't allow you to believe?

     Naíde: Maybe education… I was educated in a very catholic conservative way, that I am working all my life to free myself from that. Also, these need to adapt to circumstances and people to make things easier. Maybe I am being conditioned by this voice that says to me that I need to choose, but I don't want to choose, I don't want to let go of the other parts of me because I really feel and they are the ones that bring some magic to my life, some adventure, and some danger.  

Satya: So, I have another question. Are you responsible for your free will?

Naíde: I believe I am.

Satya: So, if we are responsible for our free will, and we totally understand that at any point, independently even the person itself, or the situation, we can always choose. You can know that the other person has the same possibility to do the same.

Do you feel that in your regular life? Don't you find so many conscious people? Do you think that you can meet many people who are already on the path of self-awareness, responsible for their own feelings and decisions? Or you feel that most people are still in a paradigm that is achieving goals, but the ultimate part of their own, they don't really know themselves?

Naíde: Actually, almost 100% of people are very conscious in my professional life and friendships. But romantically, it's different. I'm still attracting some immaturity. I still attract various kinds of connections. I believe I am reflecting on some part of myself.

Satya: What in you are still choosing that?

Naíde: maybe some need to save someone or be saved? I don't know… Because on an intellectual level, I know exactly what I should do. But then, on an energetic level or soul level, things happen in another way. 

Satya: at the emotional level, maybe?

Naíde: Yes. 

Satya: So the question sometimes for all of us is: 

"If I am in this relation, what is the part in me that still needs to heal?" 

Usually, people have this conditioning from their childhood. The way we love other people reflects how we learn to love and how we were loved. 

So, what is the part in you that is still in need of immaturity to reflect something about you?

Naíde: maybe I have some resistance to grow up on an emotional level. 

If you don't know what your actual needs are, you will project on the other to find a way to fulfill them in a very unconscious way. So, if we all come to the point that we work on ourselves, we become responsible for our own emotions, see the pattern of behavior, and understand how we can fulfill ourselves. When we relate with another person, we are present for ourselves, and automatically we become present for the other. 

When two people become responsible for their own needs, freedom is not a question!

Why?

Because when you are responsible for yourself, you are responsible for your choices. So, you understand that the other person is trustworthy. When we realize that we all have the right to blossom, feel joy, grow, admire, and want that person to be happy to a level that even if we understand that we can't be happy together. We want that person to go in that direction and to be satisfied! True love is not something that we want for ourselves. True love never dies, in my opinion, never.

In our days, people are terrified of individuality. People are afraid of people that really think! Some people feel they desire someone independent, but the independent person can fly awake and go to the other part of the planet, has an opinion. To deal with that in daily life, you need to be that one too; otherwise, it will be a major conflict. Because in mind, we wish that, but at the level of emotions and heart and feelings, we still want security or recognition. 

If we are honest with ourselves, we can see what we need to heal! 

Everyone, please think about that: 

How to remain free but give my best in the relationship? 

Sometimes we really need to give the relationship or the other person something that will somehow cut our freedom. Still, if it is a conscious choice of free will, we choose to give our sovereignty to that situation. 

When we start to please because we will get something from the other person, we will be resentful. And when we need to satisfy some in that path, we already lost our consciousness that we are doing.

When we are conscious, we don't feel that we lost something. And that is one of the most important keys in relationships. 

Full Awareness Meeting Video recording is available in our International Community of Spiritual & Conscious Seekers.

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