Healing Sexuality

abuse awareness meetings relationships sexuality Feb 03, 2021
Working with Satya
Healing Sexuality

What is sexuality for you? Is it a pure act of sex? Or it starts much before?

Is it a way to connect yourself with another human being? Or is it just an act of pleasure?

What does it mean to be free in your sexuality? What does it mean to share your body? And… is your body that you are sharing? or is it your heart and soul that you are sharing with another human being?

Are you really there at that moment?

For me, as a woman and as a human being that listens to thousands of people that I work with, I can say: there are no rules to define sexuality, and you need to know that you can't separate sexuality from you!

Sexuality, in the end, is an expression of who you truly are, is the way you sense life, the way you perceive yourself, the way you trust yourself, the way you can trust another human being, the way you deal with your own wounds and insecurities, and everything that you are, you will bring to that act.

When we speak about sexuality, we are talking about ourselves.

We are not speaking about the pure act of sex. Many people who have a lot of success - and seem very strong and very active – have their own sexuality totally stuck in some conditioning.

My question for you is: What is missing in your sexuality?

So many people that can reach the orgasm, they only feel the orgasm, but they lose the rest of the environment totally, that is bigger. Only by healing our own wounds will we, step by step, go to this freedom, to this deep relaxation, that we accept who we truly are, we take our body, we welcome our feelings and what we want. But we are so afraid to be ourselves that somehow that beautiful moment loses the deep sense of connection.

We need to come back to who we honestly are! To face what are our fears, our wounds, and belief systems.

Today we have a special guest. Let's go deep with Olya!

Meet Olya.

Olya: I had a very religious childhood. I grew up with stringent religious rules, so the first idea for me about sex is a shame! We learned that sex is filthy and should not talk about it.

I remember a situation from my past when I was a little girl, and I had sexual abuse from an adult man. I'm still dealing with this, and after deep work, I found out that during the sex, I had excruciating feelings, I couldn't reach the orgasm in sex with men, and I really want to go there. Still, I feel a lot of tension in my body, and something can trigger me, and I close very fast… so, I'm working on this, learning how to deal with this, but shame and guilt are still in my body. Sometimes is really hard to relax, trust, and give my body and mind freedom to be in a moment.

Satya: When someone had abused us in childhood, all the memory stays on ourselves, our nervous system, and the mind shuts typically out. And only after a period normally when we start working on ourselves or other traumatic events begin to appear.

When you don't feel safe, what happens is, even if you don't notice, the nervous system starts to react. An excellent tool for you is understanding what the triggers for that are. What are the catalysts for you not to feel safe? And maybe you can think about what it is …is the smell? Is the touch? Is the room? …

Olya: The first idea that comes is that it's not some kind of physical thing; it's not a smell or light, but it's the situations when I feel that I was not ready to meet the problem. So, I don't feel prepared to meet something.

Satya: I have the sensation that because you couldn't defend yourself when you were a child, you carry a phenomenon that still now, as an adult, you don't have the power to put limits in the moment you want, and

this is one tiny piece of the work that you need to do. It's about boundaries. Children who experienced abuse will always have a problem with limits. When we have a problem with limitations, we end up doing things that we don't want; we end up in situations that we don't even realize how we are there.

So, an excellent piece of work for you all that is precisely this part. It's about your ability, choice, power to say no, or a totally Yes!

Let's make a question for everyone:

How many times did you not want to do something in your sexual life, but you did it because somehow you didn't want to say what you were feeling? How many times you do this? …or how many times you feel ashamed to say what you really want?

When we start doing this year after year, we repress our true feelings. And then we are afraid to lose that person, and then we are so scared that that person doesn't really have pleasure with us. And then we are fearful that a conflict comes because we want less than the other person or we want more than the other person.

Let's ask everyone: How do you feel when you remember a moment that you really felt deeply relaxed in who you are in your own sexuality? By these, I mean that we can make thousands of retreats about sexuality, but the key lies genuinely in the wounds. Why? The wounds will show you what you need; the wounds will carry you to the point that you need to leave attention and heal those parts. The more we heal, the more we become relaxed in ourselves, the more we give attention to these parts that we repress, that we are afraid to face, the more we will open to a deep trust and relaxation, and the body immediately will relax, will melt. Because we are a whole, there is no separation. And this is for men and women: it is totally the same.

To heal our own sexuality is totally connected with healing our authentic self, our wounds, our difficulties. It's impossible to separate.

If we want to heal our own sexuality, we need to look inside. There is no other way.

Olya: What is your secret?

Satya: my secret was facing what I lived for many years. My story is that I was an abused child for many years, and that was not allowing me even to get close to a boy when I liked him. I was freezing all the time, afraid, and I would come blur; I didn't even know what to do. I started facing that situation, asking for help and going through layer by layer - until now - accepting the wounds and accepting when I see a little bit more of myself. And I learned to be honest with what I don't want and what I want. And sometimes, I want nothing. And that is the freedom and, of course, to have the ability to choose a partner that can really be there for us. But to choose a partner that can be there for us requires what? Self-awareness, so we can be aware of the other.

I already saw myself in the past in relations, that they were really toxic. So, what I can say is, yes, we can have a wonderful sex life. You know why? Because we have a fantastic relation with ourselves.

So, let's resume: Healing sexuality, more than anything, is about your true self. Healing sexuality is about who you truly are because sexuality is an expression of who you are.

The more you work with yourself, the more you face your wounds, fears, conditioning, and the more you will be able to really work with them. That work will manifest in your body.

Second, baby steps! Especially if there are many abused people here, I want to tell you; we recover from it, I'm sure. And you can have a wonderful sex life, you can have love, and you can feel sacred.

The more you love yourself, the more you will respect another human being.

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