It is not euphoric, nor dramatic as majority loves it! It is about lovers, about
parents and children, about friends, about couples, about sex, about
enemies, about races, about countries and borders, about itself...
Some people asked me to write about love on Valentine’s day...in short...I
did not succeed...I have nothing against Valentine’s day...despite being an
extremely commercial moment, it is also a moment that inspires many
people to be better than normally...and it is ok...for others it is
ridiculous...also ok...for me...it does not make sense anymore, really it
never did, even sometimes falling for the commemoration with some
partners, sometimes with pure younger unconsciousness, other times
because it was a motive to be together...etc... all of that reasons...
Since a while that this day no longer makes sense...speaking of love on
that day makes even less to me...something as having to buy Christmas
gifts without being in the mood...I do not do it...
Love relationships have been targeted by big essays, analyses,
philosophies, psychologies, worldly thoughts, street talks, secret
conversations...all for achieving to understand love formula and keeping
We come from centuries when it was “sold” to us and specially to us on
the old continent by the catholic church, that marriage was for a lifetime,
with the same partner till death do us part...well, there are many world
ideologies, there are many ways of relating, before old Rome, in the jungle
or the desert, within old tribes that remain in their customs, in the Arab
countries...It is enough to look for a little, just read the Wikipedia and you
will see that human being had to create many forms and rules to relate.
We have already had horrifying moments in which the woman was the
man’s property, in which slavery was the base of economy and human
society, in which homosexuality was an aberration...well...if we could be
simply honest and look to the four world corners...all of this still
occurs...while some men and women can already breath, thanks to big
fights for real causes, there are yet many other human beings living these
paradigms where freedom and respect did not yet come out...at least in
my eyes... there is still much work ahead!
Then I speak about what we call love nowadays...but I ask myself how can we love? What is to love?
This thing, that I recently faced and I know that in the more subtle surfaces still scratches my soul, this thing to want at all costs that a relationship works, be of a lover, of a couple, of friendship, of work, of parents and children...It no longer makes sense...
Most of us relate with the other through a space of need...need and imposition...
An example...a man and a woman know each other, feel a brutal chemistry ( or not – it depends on the requirement degree of each other), they get involved and for some time (for the most of them it keeps for an year and half or two), they are inebriated with passion chemistry and novelty...the exploration is fantastic or frightful...but it is exploration and, that amuses us, the human...when the exploration, novelty and chemistry stop, the art of our personality, of the life we carry since childhood and, I dare to say of our soul’s voyage, goes into action and all the wounds, feeling patterns and thoughts, memories which sneak into our unconsciousness, start to get in action...at this stage , instead of looking to what is happening to us as an opportunity to see what is within our being, which can not be grasped like a brick to be ripped off our house and which has been motivated by that relationship...we get in the despair of wanting that the relationship works our way, our vision...the only one we have...and the other goes through the same process and responds with his unique and personal way... Attention that many try hard that the relationship goes on working and others give up promptly...it is the same thing...all based on an overwhelming unconsciousness that rules us without our perception, many centuries genetic inheritance and consequence of our life experience.
Love...Love...it is that reality without density, without matter, that can take any type of love or unloveliness on the lap, the passionate, the silent, the amorous, the lack of love itself...it is a dimension so real that includes any love idea and kind and makes our body’s matter to take pleasure or to convulse with pain. That dimension where we find compassion for any alive or inanimate being...that dimension where everything is sacred.
We are addicted to drama...without drama there is no movie nor soap opera, without discussion and war...we could not write poetry...at last humanity’s addictions...
The nonsense is so deep that we want to anesthetize ourselves in order not to feel...alcohol, drugs, food...the other...adrenaline...plenty Netflix.
But will this be love?
I see many couples, and I was one whose love I believed in was full of fears, doubts, full of inner prisons... I did not let me to be myself fearing to lose somebody or that somebody would love me less, or full of requirements because I only believed in some love kinds or proves, full of conditions and even business mixtures...this was a long way and sincerely not easy at all....not loving me, thinking that only with some conditions I would be loved, having so much doubts of my personal value that my self--esteem was determined by other’s recognition...it only gave place to several love disasters...tasty disasters of course!!! Not everything is sad!!!
And I recognize that in most of people that talk with me...YES, you also are included! The quality of love of your relationships it is related to the quality of your self-esteem! This can not be taken away from me...and they can not “sell” me another thing...
If you are in a turmoil relationship, dramatic, full of problems, which brings you more suffering than peace, anguish and constant doubts, which does not lightens your heart, nor a feeling of coming home...forget at once blaming and pointing your finger to the other, and also leave the role of the savior that goes to help the other or the unable victim to have a dignifying decision and self-respect!
Most of us live loves, be with anyone, of a very poor quality...and that is directly linked with self-esteem and with what each one decides to accept.
A love that can not bear a sincere dialogue, even talking openly about a possible ending along a time lasting relationship, over what disturbs us and listening to what troubles the other, a love that has no space for authentic beings with their total evolutionary potential, a love that does not get to show what is happening, a love that does not look into the other’s eyes and let his heart to speak...it is not love...it is something different...
Love...is a space that goes beyond passion, love is a well disinterested wanting, it is to wish to live within a true space where 1, 2 or more people meet and can be themselves... knowing that when they do not agree, knowing being different, knowing that even loving love could end and being unable to go on, even opinions being different and taking you by completely unknown ways...there is a wanting for that or those persons...there is a long lasting love...there is a life’s throbbing, there is deep desire for that person goes well...
And is this possible on this world’s practical life? Many make this question, and I also asked myself some time ago...
Many of us know that there is a love, a kind of love...it is inside, it is in the imagination, it is in the soul and in the heart...many of us know... but then in real life, we see ourselves doing incredible things that deny everything we feel in our inner deep breath...
Because we are still living in that unconscious and doubtful space, full of fears, imposed beliefs...but truthfully...we are not ourselves...
And if you are still reading and you think knowing who you are...stop...look deeply...because if you would know who you are, your thought in this moment would be having a deep breath and to know that a life’s diving is eternal and that there is so much to find...
Stop telling yourself that lie...and run after yourself...if you wish to enjoy love...
Your internal path is extremely important, to give yourself time for self- knowledge, to self–encountering of your deepest unknown, to heal yourself, to develop yourself, to relish, to enjoy, to be responsible and to stop projecting...
When we start discovering ourselves, loving step by step each corner of our soul, giving attention on each darkness of our being...letting each true brightness to have space without insincere modesty, but yes with the dignity of being alive in ourselves...a confidence in ourselves begin to grow...a confidence of loving ourselves...and we can trust in the self respect we have. To give yourself respect begins in you, with what you achieve deeply inside of you, a found and healed addiction, a felt and overcome fear, a correct apology, a truly enjoyed party, a moment for two with total presence and where you lose your mind to give place to what is mixed...moments in your own company...the compassion and the capacity of forgiving and laughing of ourselves...
When we begin to love, respect and to be responsible for the quality of our thoughts, of our feelings, of what we eat, of our day-to-day, of our communication, we let the other to do the same...and we do not sell the soul for less...there is an inside coming quality...and naturally is recognized by what is outside...or in what is not.
So, when you begin and go on nearer yourself, when your self-esteem is more present, those personality games you used to play, those lies that you told yourself, stop making sense and you get ahead a more real, more authentic space...and you do not get to close any more your mind eyes...the only way is going on opening them...
You start conquering a deep authenticity inner space with yourself and the others, reality begins to be simpler...and it begins to go out your mouth honest words without need to hurt, to criticize or to frighten the other...not because you do not feel emotions, you feel them...and you feel even more...because being authentic does not deny any part of yourself, do not deceive you, on the contrary, you allow yourself to live what is there, as a flute played by life...and it begins to exist a deep acceptance of what is, of that moment’s truth, yours and the other’s truth, which is created together.
If you already have the conscience of yourself and the happiness of having a partner, friends, relatives or somebody working with you, that is already and also conscious, the more difficult moments, when we tackle what really is inside of us, where we truthfully expose ourselves...it does not drift apart the other...on the contrary, it comes us deeply and intensely nearer...even if those moments are painful, if your sincerity, respect and love are present, even that may cause a separation or unavoidable distance, it certainly goes to increase the true union which is THAT LOVE, embracing all other kinds of love with deep respect and sincere will that the other goes well.
The discovery trip of your self-esteem is of course the basis to open yourself to THAT LOVE, so why do not try it? Perhaps you can find new kinds of loving, that you never thought or felt, or that you can put away because so criticized, even though you are wishing them so much, perhaps you let yourself explore new ways that were waiting for you already a long time.
I think we are on an intense era of possibilities...the era when the third world war can explode...as the era where the conscience begins to spring in most of us...and we go to set up a life where all are really ALL and not only a monopolist minority.
Now look at what we do with our planet, the source of our life...how can we unconsciously and stupidly dry up it? Do not be mistaken ...attention that the planet will survive without us! It is not about the planet...it is about our survival, the human and the animals that we take with us...because water will dry, plants will fade, but fire will crackle (and ice will cut)...always...and if humanity ends...the rest will go on forever.
This is the grade of our self-esteem as human kind, to be human...the most intimate and secular relationship is vandalized, how will it be possible to love?
To love yourself, to find yourself, to feel again, to know yourself, to forgive yourself, to be responsible and to do what you have to do is the only way to live THAT LOVE.
Yes, it is possible...Love is real...for whom decides to remember it.
For the most rational and also for emotional:
Do you want to know how to meet yourself?
Start to invest in your inner observer, which I call the conscience. Exercise the observation of what is occurring with you on the level of your inner experience: how I feel now? This emotion will be a reaction to the past trough this moment, as by the example, does this person remind me anybody? What am I thinking? Why? (sometimes the question brings deep answers that take some time to come to the consciousness).
Let you watch your inner dialogue: is it negative and destructive? Is it megalomaniac? Is it shy? Is it critic and castrating? Is it deceptively positive without the reality notion?
Why has your dialogue that quality? Is it coming from where?
Ask yourself what is the quality of your communication? Accusing, does it not leave anything? Do you get to express what you really feel or think? Learn how to communicate firstly expressing the facts and then expressing how you feel, without blaming the other, for example: “ In this situation I felt forsaken, not respected, not seen...” When you blame the other, for example “ you did not respect me, you forsaken me...” it closes at once the possibility of a dialogue.
Start meditating, at least for 2 minutes every day, focuses yourself in your breath and when you are occupied with your thoughts and emotions let them go and come back to breathing. This practice will help you to grow the capacity of observing what is occurring at a mental and emotional level, without identifying yourself with it. Your capacity of decision, of choice will be each time clearer.
Look at your childhood and see how it still intervenes in your actual life and which forms it has in your relationships? If you do not get to do it yourself, ask some professional help.
Ask yourself: which is the quality of your relationships? And why do you relate with people in your life? Which is your interest or why do you feel directed to a certain kind of relationships?
Ask yourself which is your physical, emotional and mental health condition...and for those more effusive also the quality of their spiritual life.
Think and write how it would ideally be your healthy relationships? And you may think in loving terms, in friendly, familiar and professional terms. How would they communicate, how would they relate, how would they treat each other...that way you may start acting in that direction.
Truly think which your limits in any relationship are. And decide starting implementing them...of course that who already knows you may be surprised at your changing...you may always explain: “Starting now I would like you to take into account...I would like that you do not talk to me this way again...” Express what is important for you, only thus others can adjust to you and to reciprocate or even to argue.
When you may, let you make a retreat that helps you during some days to focus in you and have a professional space in order to dive deeply in your inside, to deepen your capacity of working with yourself. Make a good choice whom you will work with and ask references... this kind of work is delicate and needs a good quality.
There is much more, but if you start here it is already very good!
Flight to Viena